Chapter I - Ida
It has been a tough week, traveling now feels like an endless journey. Trees are all the same, even views of mountains that are so far, far away looks like huge, icy giants. I didn't see John in weeks. I don't know what to do. I feel relief and inner happiness just for a thought about our meeting, but how will I tell him about what happened the other night? *** We were staring at each other for a long time, but I felt everything else just stopped. Somewhere deep inside myself, an anxious voice started to rumble, like a terrifying, loud bell - “It is an end” - God, no, no way. I’m not ready for that, and I’ll never be. Can’t say everything was okay, since it’s not for a long time but imagining life without John.. We have known each other for almost our whole life, no one knows as much as he does about me, we have so many wonderful and embarrassing memories with this swarthy boy. I should say men, we are closer to our thirties, and yet I’m still living the dreams we’ve made after